Keep Me Warm in Your Love and then Softly Leave
by dahliadenoire
Summary: Canon/Valentine's Day. Lavi/Kanda. "If you're going to magically pull out a Valentine's gift out of your ass, you better stand up." Pandas, wine, seabreams, chocolate, roses, diamonds and more seabreams.


**Beijing, China**

**Panjiayuan Market**

**12:33 PM**

"_Q-Qing wen, uh.. N-Ni ken b-bang zhu w-wo ma_?" _(Excuse me but can you help me?)_

"I can speak English, sir. And you just asked if I can help you get some crabs."

"Damn it. Sorry 'bout that man. You know, I-I haven't really studied the whole Chinese thing yet. I'm trying to, but it's just hard to learn Mandarin and shi—"

"Sir."

"Oh. Oh! Yeah, it's just I'm a little nervous 'cause I need to find a gift for my bo—girlfriend for tomorrow. Yeah, so uh.. do you know where can I buy a Giant Panda?"

"T-The real thing?"

"Yes. The black and white thing."

"I-I'm sorry, sir. That.. that's illegal."

"Oh."

"Yes, I apologize."

"W-Well that sucks."

"I-If you want sir! There is a shop nearby that sells panda dolls—"

"Thanks dude, but it's no use if I can't get the real thing. Damn it, how do you say that again, oh wait I remember, uh.. _xie xie_!" _(Thank you!)_

"_H-Huan ying_, sir. Weird fellow." (_You're welcome_)

* * *

**•**

**Keep Me Warm In Your Love  
and Then Softly Leave**

**•**

* * *

**London, England**

**Black Order -- Canteen**

**04:38 AM**

"Did you know it's noon in China right now."

"Really.."

"Oh hey, Lenalee, thanks for asking Komui to let me use the Ark. Shit helped a _lot_."

"You're welcome. So, what did you get for Kanda-kun?"

"Uh.. yeah. About that.. yeah, I can't get a real panda. They say it's illegal and shit."

"A pan—why would you—You know what, I'm not even gonna ask. Did you at least buy anything?"

"Nope. I'll try going to Macau."

"You're lucky Kanda-kun isn't here right now. He may come back from his mission today."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'll buy something for sure."

"Why don't you just go out in the city and buy roses?"

"That man doesn't like anything. He hates everything and doesn't have any obsessions, hobbies or anything!"

"How about some Japanese food?"

"What? So he could eat the same thing he eats everyday?"

"You have a point. You were in a mission with him in Macau once, right? Did he like anything from there?"

"Come to think of it.."

**Yin Huang-zi Road, Macau**

**Central Square**

**12:45 PM**

"Damn it. Another Mandarin country, at least there are some westerners. Where am I? What is that..? Y-Yin H-Huang? Where the hell..? Oh, this is where I got transported back then. So I'm at the markets. Oh. Hello miss, could you help me?"

"_Bao qian! Wo bu dong_.." _(Sorry, I cannot understand)_

"Ah, s-sorry. I mean, _xie xie_. Damn it. Hey, is that a westerner? Perfect! Excuse me, where—"

"_Si_?" _(Yes?)_

"I really should've paid more attention to my language lessons.."

"_Discuple_?" _(Excuse me?)_

"Ah. _Hablas Inglés_?" _(Do you speak English?)_

"A little, but ah, I may..ah... help."

"Can you tell me where to find some Portuguese wine?"

"Argh! The Portuguese! _Esos hijos de puta_—" _(Those bastards!)_

"N-N-Never mind, good sir. Have a good day! _Eres muy amable_! Goodbye! God, that guy's mad. Oh, uh, excuse me, could tell me where I can find some Portuguese wi—"

"_Wang ba dan! Bai mu _Portuguese_!_" _(Sons of bitches! Stupid portuguese!)_

"Eh... thanks."

**London, England**

**Black Order -- Canteen**

**05:27 AM**

"Lavi! Back so early? So? What did you buy? What did you buy?"

"You're pretty energetic than earlier."

"Well, I just got out of bed that time. What did you buy?"

"Well.."

"Don't tell me.."

"Look, people there are crazy! Whenever I mention the Portuguese, they'll go crazy and curse at them. I was planning on buying Portuguese wine. I remember Yu wanting to taste some."

"Huh. So where to next? You should hurry you know. This isn't a field trip."

"Hurry? Oh come on. It's still early. I have lots of time! I guess I'll rest for awhile."

"Oh! Oh! You've been to Greece right?"

"The last time I went there, there was a mob with torches burning the city hall. No thanks."

"I had a mission there a few days ago, it's wonderful there now! I think the gate number was 95 or something.."

"I've been there with Allen and Yu, I remember. It was somewhere in Larissa. I gotta say, the akuma there are HUGE."

"That was _so_ long ago! I had a mission in South Aegis.. Aige.."

"Aegean. South Aegean."

"Yes. That's it. In Erompol.. Erno.. Erulom.."

"Ermoupoli."

"Yeah."

"I'll try it then. It's the new city, right?"

"I heard. Do you know anything Kanda-kun would like there?"

"Not yet. I'll just look around the markets. But first! I'm gonna go take a nap. Argh! I'm so tired! Wake me up after 20 minutes."

"I don't think I can. I have to meet with brother. Just don't oversleep."

"I won't."

**London, England**

**Black Order -- Lavi and Bookman's Room**

**09:35 AM**

"That was a nice nap. What time is it anywa— Mother of God. I need to go!"

**South Aegean, Greece**

**Ermoupoli**

**11:42 AM**

"This place is fucking beautiful! There are stalls and markets everywhere. Nice weather too. And no signs of mobs holding arrows and torches. I'm starting to like this place."

"Buy here! Fresh fishes from the waters!"

"Hey there man, is there some kind of shop that sells gifts and stuff..here?"

"Well, boy, forget bout them gifts, here! Buy some fresh red seabreams instead!"

"No thanks big guy—whoa, you actually eat that?"

"Not your type boy? How 'bout some common seabreams then?"

"I'm.. I'm not looking for fish, I'm looking for some Valentines gift or something here."

"Oh! The day of Eros! How 'bout ya give yer lover some seabreams, eh?"

"Yeah, like I said, no thanks. Thanks anyway, big guy!"

"Fine boy, be sure to come back though!"

"I'll remember."

"Hey boy, how 'bout you buy some razorfish, eh? Haven't seen ya here before. You new here mister?"

"Yeah, It's my first time here."

"Well you look like a dashing young man! Heard you need some gifts for yer sweetie, this one will make 'er happy! Some seabreams!"

"Is there something here that is not fish?!"

"Hahaha! Yer funny mister! Good luck finding something that isn't fish in here! Try the markets in the other islands!"

"GODDAM—"

**London, England**

**Black Order -- Canteen Kitchen**

**10:20 AM**

"Uh, hey Jerry."

"Lavi! What a pleasant surprise! What brings you here in the kitchen?"

"Yeah. I bought a lot of fish.. and.."

"That's marvelous! Oh. My. God. Is this some sharpsnout seabreams?! These lovelies can only be found in the Mediterrenean! Oh Lavi! This is wonderful!"

"It's just some fish I bought in Greece. The people there are fucking persistent."

"Oh, well I'm very thankful, Lavi."

"No problem."

"So, what did you buy for your Kanda? You get alo—Oh sweetie, don't sit there it's hot—Told ya so."

"Damn it! I burned my left buttock! Holy fucking—No, I haven't bought anything yet. I don't know what he likes. And I'm certainly not giving him ten kilograms of seabreams."

"Oh honey, you should totally go to Bhutan! It's a gorgeous place!"

"Bhutan? I might get something there. Any suggestions?"

"Jewelry, food, souvenirs.."

"I don't know.. I don't quite _feel_ it. Ya know?"

"Ah well. Where you headed next? Are you sure you're not just taking a field trip instead of actually buying a gift for Kanda-kun?"

"That's ridiculous. It's just so hard to give him a gift! He doesn't like anything at all."

"Oh, you'll get to it soon. Oh.. and it's done! Wanna try it? Grilled Seabream. Would you like Fennel Sauce with that?"

**London, England**

**Black Order -- Ark Entrance**

**10:55 AM**

"Hey Reever, give me a random country in Europe."

"Malta."

"God no, I hate that place so fucking much."

"Finland."

"Nah."

"Russia. Ah. Wai—"

"That's tolerable. Cold, but tolerable. What gate should I go to? Was that gate number 58? Yeah, I think it was."

"Uh.. Lavi. You're buying something for Kanda, right? I don't think—"

"Yeah. Thanks Reever."

**Moscow, Russia**

**Arbat Square**

**02:04 PM**

"W-Whoa. It's freezing. I should've.."

"Lavi?"

"Whoa. Wow. That's awesome. It's so cold I'm having visual and auditory hallucinations that Yu is right in front of me."

"What the fuck are you doing here, you idiot?"

"I-I-I'll be r-r-right back."

**London, England**

**Black Order -- Ark Entrance**

**10:58 AM**

"Yo Reever, where was Yu assigned?"

"Arbat."

"That's the town in Armenia, right?"

"No, in Moscow."

"That town in Canada?"

"No, in Russia."

"Please tell me you meant _Little Russia_ as in Ukraine."

"Kanda's is in Arbat _in_ Moscow _in_ Russia."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

**Moscow, Russia**

**Arbat Square**

**02:09 PM**

"Uh.."

"Lavi, what are you doin—"

"..."

**London, England**

**Black Order -- Science Department Ark Entrance  
**

**11:59 AM**

"Thanks a _fucking lot _Reever."

"Hey. I warned you."

**London, England**

**Black Order -- Canteen**

**11:17 AM**

"Lenalee! Allen! Nice to see you two here, having lunch?"

"Lavi! Nice to see you here! Why haven't you bought anything yet?!"

"Whoa, Lenalee. What's wrong?"

"She's been grumpy all morning. Jerry has been making seabreams. Lenalee's allergic to it. It made her throat itchy."

"Ohhhhhhh shit. Those were the seabreams I bought from Greece. Yeah. Sorry about that."

"This is all your fault!"

"You were the one who told me to go to Greece!"

"How would I know you would buy seabreams for Kanda!"

"I wasn't trying to buy seabreams for him!"

"Sorry, I've been trying to calm her down since, uh.. 20 minutes ago."

"It's alright. Oh, hey Allen, suggest me a country to go to."

"Russia."

"Oh fuck you."

"Oh, you know."

"Fuck you. Seriously."

"Hmm.. Malta."

"You heard my conversation with Reever didn't you?"

"Huh?"

"You mean you didn't—What about gift ideas?"

"Just give him some yarn and he'll be distracted for another two weeks."

"You must be mistaking my boyfriend for a cat."

"Here. A world map. Cover your eye and randomly hit something with this chopstick."

"Alright. What I hit? What I hit?"

"Is it Switzerland?"

"Nope, Austria?"

"It's Liechtenstein."

"But it's basically a smaller version of Switzerland. I might as well go to Switzerland."

"No one cares, Lavi. Go buy me some Swiss chocolates while you're at it."

"Girls are so selfish."

"Lavi, I want some stamps for my collection."

"Allen? You have a stamp collection?"

**Vaduz, Liechtenstein**

**Main Street**

**12:34 PM**

"How much are these chocolates?"

"That'd be 4.66 francs."

"Oh. Oh damn. My cash is still in pounds, wait, I'll be right back."

**Vaduz, Liechtenstein**

**Main Street --- Money Exchange**

**12:38 PM**

"Awesome low taxes! Why can't England be like this?"

**Vaduz, Liechtenstein**

**Main Street**

**12:42 PM**

"Yeah, two of those chocolate boxes _bitte_."

"_Danke! Einen schonen tag allerseits_!" _(Thank you, have a nice day!)_

"Why am I—I should be buying gifts for Yu! Maybe I should get some—How much are those stamps, lady?"

**Rome, Italy**

**Marketplace**

**13:24 PM**

"This is a nice place, why didn't I thought of it? Yu likes flowers and stuff like that! Uh, _mi scusi signore_, are those lilies?"

"Yes, my boy! Buying gifts for yer lover?"

"Yeah. Mister, what is the most expensive flower here?"

"It really can't be found here _signore_. But here is the Lisianthus. One of the most expensive here."

"That's lovely. But I heard it dies easily. Wilting flowers are ridiculously taboo for him. So are there any others?"

"Well I heard that there's this orchid in the Southeast that takes long years to grow. The Rothschild's Slipper. It wilts fast as well though."

"I should just buy roses.."

"Here some roses, boy. What color would you like?"

"Do they have meanings or something? 'Cause I'm getting the yellow ones."

"It means jealousy."

"Then why are you guys selling them? Damn it. What does the color pink mean then?"

"Femininity and innocence."

"Splendid."

**London, England**

**Black Order -- Canteen**

**13:40 PM**

"Hey Allen, where's Lenalee?"

"Infirmary, the allergy got worse."

"Fuck. I should've bought the squid instead. Is she alright?"

"She's doing fine. So, bought anything for the bastard yet?"

"Nope, not yet. Gift suggestions?"

"A ring?"

"That is _so_ gay."

"Your whole relationship is gay."

"You hurt me so."

"Well, not exactly a ring, buy him a ruby, or a diamond. You said you have millions of cash."

"That's really not a bad idea."

**New York, North America**

**Christie's Auctions**

**08:48 AM**

"The next item for auction is the rarest of all diamonds, the red diamond; Hancock Red! This brilliant red beauty is a 0.95 carat round from Brazil found by Mr. Warren Hancock. This is the rarest of all diamonds. More red than the rubies! Starting bid is $400,000!"

"Holy shit.."

"$450,000!"

"Damn it. I want that diamond. $550,000!"

"$600,000!"

"$670,000!"

"$800,000!"

"$850,000!"

"$880,000!"

"And sold! to #667!"

"Jesus Christ, I almost had it! Damn that Swiss."

**Hyderabad, India**

**Diamond Trade Market**

**18:50 PM**

"I heard there are a lot of scammers here. Might as well buy something cheap."

"Buy here mister, 50% Off Sale!"

"That's quite an obvious scam. What is that? Darya-e Nur Diamond.. found in Golkonda Mines.. Hey mister, do you have that Darya-e Nur diamond?"

"OH! I'm so sorry sir, but that one's already sold. How about you look for something, hmm, more expensive?"

"Damn these scammers."

**London, England**

**Black Order -- Canteen**

**17:52 PM**

"Lavi, Kanda called earlier. Said he'll be finished with the mission soon. Also, if you're going to magically pull out a Valentines gift out of your ass, you better stand up."

"Allen.. This is bad.. This is really bad. I haven't bought anything yet! Do I have still have time?!"

"You have at least one hour."

**London, England**

**Black Order -- Ark Entrance**

**18:36 PM**

"Welcome back, Kanda. Komui's waiting for the report."

"Yeah."

**London, England**

**Black Order -- Individual Rooms Hallway**

**18:37 PM**

"Hey Allen, help me carry this, will ya."

"Isn't this a little too much?"

"No."

"Whatever floats your boat, man."

**London, England**

**Black Order -- Komui's Office**

**18:38 PM**

"Where's Komui?"

"Oh, he's in the infirmary."

"What happened?"

"Lenalee got a fever due to allergies."

**London, England**

**Black Order – Kanda's Room**

**18:39 PM**

"Perfect! Now, all I need to do is wait for—"

"Lavi? What are you doing in my roo—_What on fuck's name is this?!_"

"You are _too_ damn early. No! Don't leave Yu! It's just that I don't know what to give you for Valentines—"

"You didn't even have to. What is all these.. stuff?"

"I bought you Portuguese wine! I remember you wanted to buy one of those when we went to Macau."

"T-That was a year ago. Did you have to buy four boxes..?"

"I bought you seabreams from Greece.."

"Where is it..?"

"Jerry is cooking it right now."

"You didn't have to—"

"A-And I bought you Swiss chocolate from Liechtenstein!"

"Thirty boxes of them?"

"..And roses from Italy!"

"The roses are touching the ceiling.."

"And they're pink too!"

"Yeah, why?"

"And.. I remember you said that you wanted a panda.."

"I didn't.. I didn't say that! Don't tell me you—"

"—bought a stuffed Giant Panda! They told me they were gonna arrest me if I tried stealing one of 'em.. so I just bought a stuffed animal."

"A really big one."

"And I bought the _Mujhe Tumse Pyar Hai_ Diamond."

"T-That looks fucking expensive. You—"

"I'm sorry if it's not enough! It's just that I have no idea what you would like for a present! You don't like anything!"

"You didn't have to buy all of these, you fucking idiot."

"Then what do you like? I'll get it now!"

"You."

* * *

•••••••••••••••••••

**A/N: TTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHAAAAAT WAS **_**SO**_** FUCKING **_**CHEEEEEEESSSSYYYYY**_**. GOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING ANYMORE. JESUS. **

**I wanted to do an all-dialogue for once, and maybe I'll do a no-dialogue soon. It's fun really.. **

**I'm studying Foreign Languages, and I just want to put it to good use. **

**Mind you, seabreams are fucking delicious. **

**Questions? Criticism? Flames? All is welcome.**

**Oh and, Happy Valentine's Day! And Happy Chinese New Year everyone~!**

**I'm not going for a romantic date on Sunday, instead, I'm going to Chinatown and celebrate Chinese New Year! :DDDDD **

**I was watching Family Guy while doing this. So forgive me for the lame American humor.**

**Damn it, I want to go to Greece :/**

**•••••••**

**EDIT: I got a little confused when writing this, so I made a mistake about the Russia part. Changed to Arbat. Thanks to _Marlek_ :)  
**


End file.
